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MEGAN SMALLEY

Pride comes before the fall.

February 5, 2018

Filed in: Uncategorized

I would never have considered myself a prideful person. As long as I can remember, I have enjoyed doing thoughtful things for others. It’s my love language. I find joy in serving. I am a gift giver. My staff used to say I turned into Oprah at Christmas. But God has taken me on a journey the past year that I didn’t expect. One that involves pride, an identity crisis and questioning whether or not what I am doing matters. Here’s the story:

One year ago, my life looked totally different. I was running a big business, had full time employees, a beautiful store, the freedom to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. From the outside looking in, it was glamorous. Over the four years of running Scarlet & Gold at full steam, I experienced so many cool things. I met celebrities like Jamie Foxx, Kourtney Kardashian, Bella Thorne, Paris Hilton, Gigi Hadid and on and on. And I got to work with some really fun people like Lauren Scruggs Kennedy, Desiree Hartsock, Catherine Lowe and Lindsie Chrisley. It was an exciting life and I never knew what each day would hold. Business ownership is not for the faint of heart, but it is fun and exciting and often exhilarating. 

In January, God started to lay it on my heart that I was supposed to walk away from it all so that I could be more present at home with my boys. Say whaaaaaattttt???? At first, I ignored it because I was scared. S&G had become part of my identity and I wasn’t sure I wanted a life without it. It was my first baby and the thought of walking away from something I had poured so much into made me physically sick. But God continued to work in my heart and He gave me the courage I needed to make the move. So in June of 2017, we shut it down. Well, sort of. We sold off all of our product, closed our physical store, sold our office furniture, moved what was left of the business back to my house and began the process of focusing on the ministry of Give Grace.

And let me just tell you, I have been served a big ole slice of humble pie ever since. Over the past 6 months, God has continually been dealing with the pride in my heart that I didn’t even know existed. Nothing has been easy. The few product releases we did for S&G this fall were a total disaster on so many levels. All of the things that used to work really well for us were not working anymore. We have product in my house again. My “work desk” is my kitchen table. I handle all customer service emails. I ship out any product myself. What we used to have a team doing is now fully on Koral and me. Over and over and over, every pedestal that I have allowed myself to stand on over the years has been knocked out from under me. It’s like God has been stripping away everything that I thought mattered in my life to leave me with the things that truly matter the most: Jesus, my family and my community.

Now I spend my days wiping rear ends and cleaning up spit up. I never feel rested enough, caught up enough or clean enough (lol, but really). Nap time is like a rush against the clock and I have to decide what is the most important thing to accomplish that day: my quiet time, a nap, work, chores, taking a shower, whatever my husband needs me to do, a work out etc. Motherhood has humbled me like nothing else I have ever experienced. And I am learning how to serve as Jesus did. To serve my kids over and over again. To serve my husband. It’s in those moments that are so unglamorous, when it feels like no one sees all that you are doing, that you have to remind yourself of God’s truth. Jesus spent His life serving others for nothing in return. Are we serving for the glory of God or for the recognition from others?

This is only the beginning of the calling on a mom’s life to serve her family. I look at the way my mom poured herself out for us (and still does). It’s easy to get frustrated and look for worldly praise. In fact, Satan tries so hard to give resentment a foothold and make us feel like our work is insignificant. But motherhood has taught me that my identity can only be found in Jesus because everything else is temporary and will at some point leave me disappointed. I must do everything for God’s glory. Roll up my sleeves and serve, even if my efforts are never seen. God notices. He sees me. And I am called to be obedient on this path He has called me down. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom and will never stop praising Jesus for my miracle boys. But I deeply desire to do work that matters. And there have been many moments that I have questioned God about how I am spending my days. How can changing diapers matter? Will the boys remember how hard I am trying? Do they know I am giving it my all even when it doesn’t feel like enough? Is what I am doing making an impact for the Kingdom? 

The work you are doing matters. It matters a lot. More on this to come. For now, I will leave you with this passage from Proverbs 31 that has spoken to me a lot over the past few months about the value of the work we are doing as wives and moms.

A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long. She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoys knitting and sewing. She’s like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises. She’s up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day. She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden. First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.

comments +

  1. Tyler

    February 5th, 2018 at 6:16 pm

    Hey Megan!
    Your vulnerability is encouraging. I can relate to every feeling regarding wondering if what I am doing even matters. You are so wise to know that God sees you and hears you and finds you in the midst of it all and considers it all holy! I have loved this podcast and wanted to pass along in case you haven’t heard it- http://godcenteredmom.com/2017/09/04/when-you-feel-unseen-sara-hagerty-ep-175/. Praying you continue to feel God as real and near in the midst of sacrifice. Tyler Grogan

  2. Tonya Smith

    February 5th, 2018 at 11:17 pm

    Oh girl! God is speaking to me through you!! I am going through the same thing in my business. I didn’t know I was prideful either, until now. I too, feel like my business is my identity. Thank you for being so transparent with your followers.

  3. Lisa Burger

    February 6th, 2018 at 8:54 am

    Thank you for being transparent! The Lord gives and takes away, He is our potter and molds us daily more into His image! I am praising Him with you and know that motherhood is sanctifying and it shows us our relentless need for our Savior and His relentless faithfulness to us!

  4. Leia Cazan

    February 8th, 2018 at 8:37 pm

    Thank you for this! 🙌🏼

  5. BP

    February 8th, 2018 at 11:25 pm

    I needed this today Megan! Coming from a somewhat glamorous life of having everything I wanted, to IVF, and now choosing to mostly stay home with my precious baby girl, life has been humbling! Physical things in our home are slowly falling apart. One day it’s a large appliance, the next it’s the floors needing to be ripped out. Some days I’m not sure how we will make it, but we do bc of God’s Grace!
    Your original blog encouraged me to start my own during our fertility journey! Thank you for your words!

  6. abby

    February 9th, 2018 at 4:02 am

    Wow, this spoke straight to my heart!!!! I am in a similar season right now and being made aware of pride hurts!! Thank you for sharing your journey!!!

  7. Melina

    February 14th, 2018 at 11:32 am

    I’m reading this at 530am while my son who has been up since 4 plays in his crib. This is so much truth that I needed to hear this morning. I left my full time office job to become a full time mom and have struggled with the transition. Thank you so much for sharing this, it is such a good reminder that what I’m doing is bigger than myself.

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