Can we just stop this? The comparison game has gotten out of control. When we were walking through infertility, the first question I always got was “How long have you been trying?” As if whatever number I said had to meet this person’s standard of long enough to be sad about it. And then sometimes as I shared my story with others who had journeyed this road before me, it’s like my story didn’t measure up. It wasn’t as sad. We hadn’t been trying as long. We were still so young. And on and on.
Now being thrust into the mom world, it’s like there is this secret game that moms like to play called “Who’s life is the hardest.” My kids are close together in age. I had two at once. I had a toddler and then twins. My husband is never home. My husband travels for work. My family isn’t close by.
Or on the flip side, I can’t tell you how many times I have been told “I can’t imagine.” People said this to me ALL.THE.TIME. when I was pregnant and still do. I must admit, I do find myself using this phrase sometimes too but have been trying to catch myself lately because it doesn’t come across in the most pleasant of ways. You can’t imagine having twins. Your plate is full enough. Two of your child makes you want to scream. I get it! But this is my life. So what I want to say is “Go ahead and imagine it because IT IS REAL!” Two wild and crazy boys at one time is my life and it is hard and it is crazy, but I wouldn’t trade it for one second.
I believe that whatever your reality is, it is hard. It doesn’t matter how it compares to someone else’s reality. Are two babies at one time harder than two babies at different times? The obvious answer is probably yes. But having a toddler and a baby is hard. Having babies at very different stages of life is hard. And not having a baby at all and deeply desiring one is really freaking hard.
So can we just stop? Let’s stop comparing. Let’s stop playing this game of whose life is better or worse than mine. Let’s be thankful for the life we have and remember that the things you have are things that someone is likely praying for. It was me not that long ago. On the hardest days, I remind myself how badly I wanted this very, very unglamorous life. I prayed for it. I begged God for it. I hoped and dreamed about it. And now that it’s here, I want to spend my days being thankful, filling my heart with gratitude for the blessings God has given me. I refuse to let comparison steal my joy or get sucked into this black hole of negativity. Are you with me?
Lots of love,